The Evolution of Tony

I have been working with my good friend and neighbor, Scott, on a bible study of the book of John. While we have had some wonderful conversations, I have also raised a few questions and thought provoking statements to myself. So, here is the answer to one of them:

Recount the time when you first came to Jesus and believed.

This is a hard one to put in a “nice and short” answer. I am coming to believe that He has always been there for me. Even though I have spent a significant part of my life trying to think otherwise, He has been there since day one. The debate over exactly when day one was is a debate I’m not yet equipped to go into, but let’s just say that it was when I was born. So basically, I grew up without an awareness of Jesus. During my college years, I even grew to resent Him. In April of 1996, I basically turned my back on Him and converted to Buddhism. Now, as an adult, I realize that even when I turned my back to Him, He was always right there. I didn’t even begin to realize that until just a couple of months ago.

You see, I had really been struggling. My career was at an all-time low. My marriage had been dissolving. My relationships with friends seemed to be superficial. Money was tighter than tight. And depression has been an ever-present influence. All of those negatives and yet, God had always been right there. He was just waiting for me to be ready to get the hint. For some unknown reason, I started to feel it was important to go (as a family) to church. My wife started to look for help on our marriage and I was willing to seek help also. I started working on my depression issues. Then one day in church, the Lord gave me the hint I was ready to receive. He sent the priest who married me and my wife to be a guest priest at the church I was attending.

This may not seem like a big deal on the surface, but let me explain. Our tenth anniversary was right around the corner. We had just finished a rather lengthy and gruelling marriage workshop. And I haven’t seen or heard about Fr. Connelly in years. For him to show up on that day was the Lord giving me the hint. Actually, hint is a rather mild word when considering that what I felt was more of a giant smack right across the face.

HELLO! HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION NOW!!!!

That day, I was alone in church. Christine was not feeling well and the kids were in their religion class. I had no distractions and the message was clear. The topic of the day was the ten commandments. These are the rules to live by. That day was also the first day I had ever had communion. It was given to me by my oldest daughter who had learned about communion that day in her religion class.  During her experience, she had the forethought and saved a piece of bread and a grape for me. I can’t even begin to tell you how incredibly humbling it is to have your own flesh and blood give to you the very symbols of Jesus’ gift of his own flesh and blood.

HELLO! HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION NOW!!!!

Yes, Lord. You do. And thank you for your patience.